SHALLOW GROVE
Seniors Activities
Mon 3/23: Mail Stuffing
Tues 3/24: Wheeze-fest
Wed 3/25: Sheephead
Thurs 3/26: Neglect
Fri 3/27: Funeral Friday!

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FEATHERED FOTOGRAFERS DELIVER FIRST GLIMPSE OF OUTSIDE WOLRD TO MT. HOLLY CITIZENS "Look, Papa, Look! Unteathered children!" was the first response to the first batch of photos that came back from last weeks reconnaissance mission beyond the borders of our fair city. "And see how terrified they are of the sun, they must be burning alive because they left the house, just like you said, Papa."

"Honey, I believe that's laughter," responded the unnamed child's mother."

"Does laughter hurt?" questioned the child.

"I don't know," answered her mother, "I don't know."

In the following hours adult and child alike, poured over photograph after photograph with awe and amazement. The citizens witnessed other humans willingly crawling into the many gaping maws of some sorts of 4-wheeled carnivorous beast that would quickly dart off after consuming their prey.

"It was terrifying," quipped long time Mt. Holly resident Tammy Dahlke. "I saw a mother opening several of the mouths of one of these monsters and helping her kids get inside, before crawling in herself . . . of her own free will!"

Mayor Haeg considers the program a success and promises to continue to allow these birds to 'enlighten' his town-folk with the horrors of the outside world.


(Above) Haeg rewards ace photographer with tiny rub down while the rest of the bird's brood look on.


Letter dated 3/12/2009

Dear editor, I've been hearing rumors that the Mayor has been suffering from some memory issues lately. Can you substantiate or deflate this hearsay?
-anonymous


Letter also dated 3/12/2009

Dear editor, I've been hearing rumors that the Mayor has been suffering from some memory issues lately. Can you substantiate or deflate this hearsay?
-anonymous
 


Friday, May 29th - Sunday, May 31st
F.O.O.T.S Campout - Myre-Big Island S.P.
Join the Fraternal Order Of The Sasquatch for this year's big group camp. Highlights include camping on an island, the unveiling of the 5th and final level F.O.O.T.S. badge, and the ingestion of the necessary amounts of Sasquatch attractant to manifest a sighting. RSVP by sending an email to the Ladies' Auxiliary.

SAVE THE DATE! Saturday, August 1st, 2009
Mt. Holly hosts The North American Cannibalism Summit
and Mt. Holly Days

Get your decoder badge for only $10! Click Above!
©2008 / The Mount Holly Register / 305 Holmes St S/ Mt. Holly, MN 55379