The Mt. Holly Register is the official mouthpiece of the city of Mt. Holly, MN (pop. 1) and a tax loophole of the La Mano Rendering Facility.

The 'i kissed a stranger' Project 2007
The Month of February, of course.
10 packs of 10 "i kissed a stranger" buttons to be distributed to 10 people. Their mission is to take a button, kiss a willing stranger, and pass the bag to said stranger. Said stranger, in turn, takes a button, must kiss a willing stranger, and pass the bag on until all of the buttons are gone. You putzes who still have the unopenned packages from last year sitting on your kleenex-littered nightstands are inelligible. Limited to the first 10 new requestors. [here].

Mayor Forced to Accept New Citizens – Population Increases 400% Overnight – Mt. Holly mayor, to negotiated for weeks with squatter warlord, Jackson Dahlke, for the return of his beloved city. “I thought I had things under control after the Ungabunga incident. I guess I was wrong.” responds Haeg. Dahlke, Haeg's step-son, commandeered what he referred to as “an orphaned community”, renaming the city Jackzilla. Dahlke's demands included recognition for himself, his sister, and his mother and control over the joke hole.

Current Bush Delivers Helpful “Electricity” to Mt. Holly Residents – Okay, it's not really that good of a joke, do you really want me to proceed. I didn't think so. Thanks for playing.


Dear Editor,
My Goal: Copywriter for The City of Mt. Holly. I will consider other career paths suitable for Communication Majors. When would I be able to start? Now! What are my salary requirements? At least 23,000 US Dollars per year. I will relocate to Mt. Holly, Minnesota for employment.
JP Buchanan - Duluth, MN

Dear Shitbag,
Thanks for pointing out that it's been a good half year since I put out an edition of the register. Right now, I'm at the bank withdrawing 23 G's worth of nickels to deposit down your nervy throat. I'm going to hike you over my shoulder and use your distended colon to make change for the bus. You can relocate? Great! Bring your own pine box and a rain slicker because I plan to express tidal volumes of urine over your shallow grave. You like writing? Start with a list of the dimwits whom you were “survived by”. That being said, I checked your references and they are all good. Let's talk.
M Haeg - for The Mt. Holly Register