Park those old calendars
in the recycling bin,
you knuckleheads!


Since the windfall 2005 discovery of the world's oldest prank phone call, Mt. Holly city leaders have debated over how to exploit its new and vast reserve of horrible limericks, inappropriate (at best) one-liners, and eye rolling word-play. A motion passed through the city counsel chambers on Thursday, by a one vote margin, green-lighting the building of a innovative power plant that would transform these dirty, raw jokes into energy that should be able to instantaneously take our city off the grid.

"It's about time that somebody did something," an anonymous female Mt. Holly resident exclaimed. "That mayor has been giving limitless streams of our precious humor to anyone who will listen . . . especially outsiders. I'm glad that we will be able to reap some benefit from this resource before he drains it dry."

The revolutionary humor conversion system (pictured below) is fastened directly to the mayor's joke hole. As the mummery pours out it is converted to heat. A positive side of this new clean energy is that it also shuts Haeg up for a bit, reducing noise pollution. - Haeg

Local Tire Acquitted of Armed Robbery Charges
- The July 14th robbery of of the Mt. Holly Municipal Wine and Spirits Shop on 3rd Ave & Holmes St remains unsolved after a grand jury found the steel-belted, all-weather radial tire that was being held for the robbery innocent of all charges. The judge in the case issued a statement that never before in his 20 years on the bench had he seen an alibi so airtight. - Haeg

All of you mooks who've ever said to me, "I wanna live in Mt. Holly," it's time to nut up. The house next door is back on the market, cheap. Buy it and assimilate.

Some unwritten benefits of becoming a part of the Mt. Holly 'action.' Borrow my power tools. Drink with the First Lady. Fish in our icehouses. Be lulled to sleep by the never ending pleas for help emanating from somewhere on our property. Run for mayor. (Lord knows any of you could do a better job than the lollygagger currently in office). For more info, contact Jane Dubois or check the listing here.

Saturday, November 7th - Dusk
2009 Mount Holly
Founders Day Film Festival - Join us this year for a celebration of international short films. HEY! DOWN IN FRONT!

6:30 - The Terror of Tiny Town (US)
8:00 - Time Bandits (UK)
Intermission - The Dogway Melody (US)
10:00 - Auch Zwerge Haben Klein Angefangen (D)
11:30 - Dvaergen (DK)

©2008 / The Mount Holly Register / 305 Holmes St S/ Mt. Holly, MN 55379