The Mt. Holly Register is the official mouthpiece of the city of Mt. Holly, MN (pop. 1) and a tax loophole of the La Mano Rendering Facility.

Mt. Holly Holly-Days in Lights
Ongoing - Thanksgiving thru New Years Day
This holiday season promises to be the most festive ever as residents of Mt. Holly set to fend off humbugs by stringing over 1.5 billion multi-colored miniature light bulbs on their homes, cars, pets, and signature black maple trees. Pack the kids in the Nash and leisurely tour through a dazzling winter wonderland. It's no rib-nudge when Mt. Hollyites claim, "Wear your sunglasses!" as the best opportunity for viewing the lights is between sunup and sundown. (Due to high fuel oil prices, Mt. Holly P.U.D. has issued a dusk till dawn energy blackout until March 1st, 2006)

New Home Construction the Lowest it's been in 64 years. Projection for 2006 – Abysmal! - Mt. Holly has earned yet another National honor – that being the slowest developing community in North America. Not since the erection of the stately mayoral palace in 1941, has Mt. Holly seen so much building as a squirrels nest. Not surprisingly, the man currently residing in that sprawling estate is being blamed for the lack of real estate development. Mayor Haeg, responded to this reporter's questions with a mimeographed form letter with assorted check boxes that allowed him to craft a message, that was, well, amusing, it didn't answer the call of the taxpayers who demand more & better housing. The city counsel reports that the real problem is how to fit more than one house on the single corner lot that comprises Mt. Holly, proper. An intriguing point. To which we say, look upward Mt. Holly. Our only hope is to colonize the stars, or maybe those trees over there. - Haeg for Mt. Holly Register

Local Man Builds Robotic Ape to Halt Egg–Wielding Knuckleheads. - Move over Fats Geronimo, A local man has hand crafted a wild & wooly solution to the problem of juvenile pranksters who continually egg his parked automobile. Mike Haeg, used scrap lumber, pitch and donated hair from the neighborhood barbershop to construct a - alright, I know you are not buying this story. There is no giant Ape-Bot. Seriously though, whomever keeps egging my car, please stop. For Christ's sake, you've seen it. It's a rust bucket. Let it die in peace. Thank you. - Haeg for Mt. Holly Register

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